Vacationing with the Briefs
by Vegeta's Embodiment
Summary: Vegeta and company go for a vacation with the rest of the Z gang to a cabin by the lake. Their host for the week, and the dude they HAVE to be nice to is....(Da Da Duuummmmm!) Mr. Satan!!!! Ahhh! (For all you Dubbies, that's Hercule!)
1. Default Chapter

Vacationing with the Briefs

Vacationing with the Briefs

Author's Note: Alrighty guys! This is my first attempt at a humor story, so bear with my poor sense of all that is funny. Also, I might as well put my disclaimer in here. I don't own 'em and I'm broke.

~*~

I woke up with the onna shaking me gently on the shoulder. After all the times she's been pushed into the far wall of this room with my hand around her throat, you'd think she'd learn to wake me out of my nightmares from a distance…But this time I didn't spaz, earning one of THOSE smiles that say, "Good boy! You're humanizing nicely!" You know, the kind that you give a puppy who just got that trick you've been trying to beat into it's simple mind for the last year. I accidentally cleared my throat from force of habit, but it still had that nice gruff ring to it.

"Onna, what do you want?"

"Vegeta, dear," she said as she snuggled up to me. I pulled her a little closer and buried my face in her hair. I've always admired its unusual color. "Are you forgetting what day it is?" I stiffened at her question. It wasn't our anniversary. Her birthday? No. The kids'? No. Mine? No. Did I even KNOW what mine was? No. Thinking of nothing better to say, I chose the generic smart-ass response. "Monday?"

She looked up at me with the same trick-dog smile as before. You'd think that I was someone with no sense of humor if ever joke got me that smile. "Vegeta! Of COURSE it's Monday, but that wasn't what I meant! Today we go on VACATION!" I could do nothing but groan and roll over, burying myself in pillows. I've always hated Mondays. I heard Bulma's weight shift a little on the bed, so that her feet were dangling off the edge with her back to me. After all our years together, I've taken this to mean disappointment and hurt. What did she expect of me? To jump for joy at the thought of spending a week with "our" friends, who were really just her cronies, but for some odd reason, they had accepted me as one of them. I didn't even know where we were going, only that "the whole gang" would be there too. Sounds like torture to me. 

That feeling I get when I hurt her feelings started up, the one that feels like my gut is twisting and I'm going to be sick. Marriage is a disease. I swallowed my disgust of the whole plan, and turned to her, pulling the ningen's small frame to mine. "I'll go, onna." She turned and threw her arms around me. A small giggle at the door in my daughter's high pitched voice alerted me that we were being watched. I reached out to the chi behind the door and found that both of the little hooligans were there. "Alright brats! Get in here!" I the door opened and Bra flew into my arms, teal hair everywhere, blue eyes shining; the perfect miniature of her mother. Ah, my beautiful princess. I must say that I've been a much better father to her than I have been to the boy, who came and stood at the doorway of the room in his normal respectful manner. However, I am glad I raised him with the rigid discipline that I did. I turned out to be a fine warrior. Maybe one of these days I'll tell him that. 

I stood and stretched, letting my tail rest lazily around my hips. Trunks quickly covered Bra's eyes from my lack of clothing and looked at the ceiling. I pulled on shorts and rolled my eyes. Modesty was totally overrated on this planet. Bulma giggled and stroked my tail as she stood and ushered the children downstairs for breakfast. After she left I stood in place and held my tail for a moment before looking for socks and a shirt. I was beginning to wonder when the little bugger was going to grow back. Now my balance is much better, and I got a wonderful little power surge. At first Bulma was all for getting it removed like she did to Trunks, but when I showed her that it was good for other things than just achieving the Oozaru stage, she quickly changed her mind. But that is an entirely different story. After I was dressed, I went downstairs, finding my family already at the table. Trunks and Bra were packing away the Fruit Loops like they were going out of style, while Bulma picked here and there at her eggs and cornbread. I still don't see how she doesn't starve to death sometimes. Of course, my own plates were at the head of the table, piled high with food. I smiled at the sight of ten breakfast egg rolls, packed with eggs, cheese, ham, and sausage. Egg rolls are my favorite of all Chikyuu foods. I must admit that Bulma's cooking has definitely improved over the years. She used to be able to cook spare ribs and spare ribs only. Now I think that her skills rival Radditz's, which were pretty damn good. He would have made a better housewife than a warrior, thinks I. 

Once again my mind wandered to where we would be going, so I brought up the question between mouthfuls. Bulma was silent for a moment, never a good sign, and then she said quietly, "Well, Videl, you know that girl Gohan-chan is stuck on? Well, her father has a large lakeside cabin and we're going to be going with the gang and Videl and her father…I think you know him, Veggie." I slowly put down my fork and swallowed the Egg Roll that I had stuffed in my mouth whole. My appetite seemed to be retreating quickly as I remembered just WHO Gohan's woman's father was. I took a deep breath and ignored the kids who were staring wide-eyed at the muscle under my left eye, which was twitching and spazzing irritably right now. "Do you mean M…Mr. S…Satan? " I got the chills as she nodded, looking down and drawing a diagram of the main circuit system of the Gravitron in her egg yolks. "You mean I have to subject my family to a WEEK with that WEAK, PATHETIC MORON!?!" I stood, my chair crashing to the floor behind me. I pointed my finger at Trunks, who flinched like I had hit him. "My son beat him with a hit that was HARDLY at full strength when he was SEVEN years old! And I am supposed to sit there and take his BULLSHIT about how HE beat Cell and how HE is the strongest without doing ANYTHING!?!" I looked at her pleadingly, but she just nodded, keeping her eyes down. I fixed my chair and sat down again, counting backwards from ten like the idiots at that anger management place told me to do. "Fine," I whispered. "If I can do that, then I am truly the strongest." I started to shovel the food away again, acting as if nothing happened, but I noticed my family's grins. 


	2. Arrival

Vacationing with the Briefs

Vacationing with the Briefs

Author's Note: Wow! I got tons of great reviews from you guys about chapter one, so here comes Chapter Two! Oh, yeah. That belongs in Capital Letters. Alrighty. Well, you guys put me in a VERY good mood, so I'll shut up now and continue with the story...

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em and I'm broke. 

~*~

My Kami, how much clothes does one person need for a week? I watched as Bulma finished sitting on her 3rd suitcase in order to shut it. I looked at her econo-sized bags for a moment and then to the three duffels on the floor for me and the brats. Of course one suitcase was for make-up alone. As if she needed it. Bulma as never used that much, wanting to keep the 'natural' look that is so in fashion, and I've always thought that it suited her well. However, I kept my tongue in cheek and lugged everything to the aircar, like a good little boy. Hey, this week is vacation, and I am so not letting my pride get me on the proverbial couch. Besides, if I objected, then she would go on her whole 'Goku helps out HIS wife' lecture and then I'll be bound by honor to d it anyway, so better to do it seemingly by will and get the bed, then letting her see that she MADE me and being out in the doghouse. I think that my time on this muddy Kami-forsaken rock has made me soft…

After the aircar was practically dragging the ground with luggage, which Bulma decided NOT to encapsulate, even after all my saying 'Please' as well, we loaded the kids up and hopped in. For some odd reason, Bulma refused to let me drive, grumbling about 'death to birth rate' and 'road rage.' However, that was all good to me. I had a bit of thinking to do. First of all, if even the thought of the old cook, Mr. Satan, got me riled up, then how was I supposed to spend a week in his ever suffocation presence? Hopefully, I'd have enough to distract me from the thought of killing him. I remembered something from a school play of Bra's…what was it? Something about stars hiding their fires from my dark and deep desires. I liked that play…lots of death. I just can't put a name on the title though. Oh well, it's just a stupid ningen thing anyway. If the main character had been a Saiyajin, the title and all the lines would be WORTH remembering. But back to the matter on hand, I really sort of wished that I had actually PAID ATTENTION in my anger management treatment classes. After all, Bulma HAD put in quite a bit of money to let me go, and quite a bit of effort to MAKE me. The only thing I remembered from the whole blasted course was to count backward from ten, which I really didn't think was going to stop me from frying the quote, unquote "Worlds Martial Arts Champion." The man was infuriating. I don't see how Gohan could stand being around him. Hopefully the brat wouldn't marry Videl and let him into the family. Not my family, but Kakarotto's. However, even the thought of Mr. Satan being related to any Saiyajin is just as bad if he were to be part of my family. My family, with me as the head, me, who represents all that is good in this universe. I, who was everything a Saiyajin was supposed to be, related to Mr. Satan, who was…well…not. The thought frightened and disgusted me. He shouldn't be human. What was the average human like? Hmmm…not Bulma. She was very wealthy and powerful. Kuririn? No. He was a monk. Yamcha? Nope. Baseball player there. Yaijorobe? Nope. Even Videl wasn't average. She fought crime and was the daughter of a superstar. Well, it didn't matter anyway. I used to study the ningens when I first got here, but their culture was beyond me. So many different personalities, colors, styles, ways of talking…it was mind-boggling. The Saiyajins had different personalities, but not that many. We all had the same coloring, even though we wore different color combos of armor. Of course, everyone had their own style, but style didn't matter much in the big scheme of things. Style holds a much higher position here than it did on Vegetasei. On the ways of talking thing, I couldn't tell you. For the most part, I could tell you there were three ways of talking, mine, Nappa's, and Radditz's. My own voice patterns are somewhat rough, but much more eloquent than your average run of the mill Saiyajin. Nappa was a little slow, but very polite in my presence. He didn't need to say much, anyway. Although his failure was a disgrace and he deserved the fate I dealt him, I miss the big lug every now and again. However, if I ever need the company of an idiot there is always Kakarotto, eager and willing to be "friends." It's appalling! He doesn't even come close to showing me the proper respect fitting of my rank above him. But then again, neither did Frieza or his lackeys. 

All my contemplating had put me into a very sour mood, so I didn't even notice when the aircar stopped. Bulma shook me gently on the shoulder and asked me to unload the aircar. Stick a carrot in front of me and call me Mr. Pack Horse. After I had all the bags up in one easy armload, I took the time to look around at the so called "cabin" It had to be at least a quarter the size of the entire Capsule Corp. complex! This place was absolutely HUGE! Hopefully its large size will keep the encounter rate between our host and myself to an absolute minimum.

~*~

Author's note: Oh! Here's a good stopping place! All right, I'm done! ~ Dodges the sharp objects that are being hurled at her. ~ Oh! Just kidding! All right all right! I'll find an even better cliffhanger to abruptly quit typing at…. Sheesh.

~*~

Right now it is to my total belief that the universe has a grudge against me, and is now reeking revenge with extremity. Who else but the * cough * Worlds Martial Arts Champion himself decided to greet me at the door. The next conversation went a bit like this. 

"Hello there! I can see that you're a big strong man like myself, which has me a bit relieved. Now I'll have someone to spar against, that is, if you're not afraid and if you don't get hurt too badly just being in my awesome presence…." He kept talking, but I don't remember anything else that he said. Jeez, Bulma calls ME egotistical and vain. I don't even come close to this guy. Somehow I kept from laughing. Probably because then he had the nerve to put his arm around me and start walking. He's all hairy…and he smells. It's just disgusting. Frieza didn't even turn my stomach THIS badly. I really wanted to kill him. As soon as the nerve under my left eye started jumping, Bulma rushed in and saved the day, kissing up to Satan and getting him to give her a tour. I promptly hid in our room, trying to suppress a murderous rage. 

I thought I would be left alone when the door opened. I slid along the wall and hid behind the door, as it was opening rather slowly. If it was Satan, he wouldn't be able to feel my chi. Unfortunately, it was the cue ball. Kuririn peeped behind the door and raised an eyebrow at me. I gave him my best "Ask-and-you-will-die-because-it-is-none-of-your-damned-business" look. It worked, but he still came in, closing the door behind him and sat on the bed. Although this could have been my last chance to kill him, I just glared at him. Soon he started to fidget so I finally asked him what he was doing in my room.

"Well, ah…Vegeta. We're all going to go down to the lake later on, and since it's a sandy shoreline, we were going to set up to play volleyball. And well, I was wondering if you wanted to go because, well, we're on vacation and you don't need to be so anti-social."

"Well, baldy, not like it's any of your business, but I am NOT anti-social. I am completely in favor of society, as long as it leaves me alone."

"See! You are anti-social!" I think in his efforts to get me to "join in the fun" he forgot his usual fear of me, which I was just fine with. While it was flattering for him to cower, it got annoying.

"I am not. If I were anti-social then I wouldn't be talking to you and you would be laying dead as a nail in the doorway."

"Oh, you're just lucky I ALLOW you in my presence!" That one stopped me. Of all people, I NEVER expected that out of Kuririn's mouth. I couldn't help but chuckle. The short one laughed along with me, albeit nervously. 

"Alright, cue ball," He cringed at my nick name for him, "Just for that, I'll be there." Smiling he stood and left without a word. Something tells me that Bulma put him up to this. I turned to Bulma's laptop that she had left in the room. I had a couple of hours and I was curious as to what this "volleyball" ningen crap was. You should always be prepared, says I. 

~*~

Oh! Well, that's all for today, folks! * Smirks evilly * I'm going to need 5 reviews in my e-mail box before I'll begin writing the next chapter. You guys gave me nine for Chapter 1 in the first day alone, I know you can do it! Oh, and Daniel-chan, have fun at Tool in a few days! 


End file.
